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Monday, August 14, 2006

Hmm?? What the.. How come a post of mine is gone...?? Sigh.. It's okay.. Many things have happened but I really do not know where to start.. There's the Fu Hua Sec students, haha.. Losers. And then my problem.. I guess I shall just fast forward everything from the 7th of August. huh.

Well, yesterday.. My dream.. It's trying to tell me something. But I don't know what.. I really have this feeling that it's trying to tell me something. I slept at about 7 and that's when I started dreaming.. In my dream,

I woke up from my nap and there I was, in my old bedroom in my Jakarta house. Just like the old days.. Those days that I missed so much.. But the me there was me in the present. Only my surrounding actually changed to the past. It's as though I actually time travelled. Then I looked around me, still feeling kinda shocked. Then I stood up and went outside of my room.

Everything was still the same.The piano, the aquarium.. Ah.. It had its light on. And the living rooms, they were dimly lighted.

Then I procceeded to the dining table and there my tuition teacher was. The tuition teacher that I'm currently having tuition with. Then I think said something like let's have our lesson now. And so we started. Then suddenly, I realise that I'm no longer in Indo.. I was on the living room of my Singapore's.. And I was kinda tired and sleepy. Then I told her that maybe we should stop for today and then continue another time..

Then I got ready to bathe.. I took my towel and when I got into my room to get my clothes, I saw her there in my room somehow lying on the bed. I saw her dog.. And then there was her mom if I'm not wrong. And then there's supposedly her dad. But I see my grandpa instead. He was really active, doing some magic tricks if I'm not wrong. And then yeah.. The air-con was on and the yellow light was on, as though getting ready for someone to sleep. And then I also see my siblings and my cousins..

Then I just took my clothes and when into the toilet to bathe. suddenly something came up. I forgot what it was. And then I woke up.

This dream is still quite vivid in my mind until now. And I've not told anyone about it yet. Cuz I'm not sure whether i should, or not. And the last thing that I saw before waking up.. What's that?? It's really vague now.. Can't seem to recall it.. And everything, all the scenes just make me kinda.. I dunno.. Sad? There's this feeling of missing in me. Like as though I miss my childhood a lot.. Or something.. And then I just gotta come to reality and face it, ya know.

But what really made that dream? Was it me? Was it because of myself? Because I think that I've been under pressure or something? Or is it telling me something? Like maybe, I should give myself a break, thing of my happy moments and all those stuff? Oh yeah, and of course, my parents were there as well.. It's as though it's trying to show me all the people that are very dear me but just can't show me all of them because I didn't give it enough time to unfold itself..

And then when I woke up.. I've been kinda thinking about it.. And then it made me realise.. There's this ShinHwa concert coming up in Singapore on the 10th of Sept like I said earlier.. And It costs quite a bomb.. $168 for each tic.. And then I've been trying to save up money and then asking my mum for permission to go for it.. But then after this dream, it got me thinking.

Is it actually trying to tell me "Stop! Don't go for it! Remember your happy childhood times when you can afford many things.. They're not what you are right now. You've got to understand your parents' situation and be more thoughtful!" That's what I've bene thinking about.. What's more.. It seems like I've either spent or lost some 30 bucks that I've tried to save earlier on..

And seriously, is it just to show me that I'm not meant to do so? My sis is no longer going for it as well.. So I guess I shan't.. My mum called just a moment ago. She sounded really sad. But instead of making her feel better and so on.. I actually asked her if she'll allow me to go for the concert. What kind of a daughter am I? I've finally come to this conclusion after reflecting on whatever that I've done. She must have felt really sad. And I dunno.. I'm supposed to comfort her! Just feel really dissapointed in myself right now. She was coughing as well.. She's sick.. Because of too much work.. And she couldn't come because of the work too.. And misses us here.. But she sacrifices herself for the work, for our sake. I'm so selfish!!!!

Sigh.. I'll find some time and try to apologize to her I guess.. And the Ms Tan also talked to me yesterday.. Saying that I've grown as days passed by.. I hope that I really did.. So yeah.. Okay, enough of those sad thingys.. It's time for me to rejoice!!! =]

Tomorrow there's planting.. Hope it goes well!! X_____X Hehhehe.. And yeah.. There was band.. Not gonna write much I guess.. REally have many feelings now adays.. Hahah.. Guess she's coming XD hehehe..Ok ok.. Nytzz~~

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